Building a Thriving Marriage

Marriage is hard.  Do you know what percentage of marriages end in divorce?  According to one source, the national average for first marriages is 43%.  The divorce rate for second marriages is 67% and for third marriages, the divorce rate jumps to a whopping 73%!  The good news is that the rate of divorce among Christians is only 25%; but that is still one in four marriages ending in divorce even among Christ-followers.

The bottom line is that there is no guarantee that a marriage will work in our society.  But there is one way for your marriage to have the best chance to survive, and not just to survive, but to thrive!  And that is to put Jesus Christ at the center of it!  So what does that look like?  

The Apostle Pater offers some valuable insight about the roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives in 1 Peter 3:1-7.  While some of what Peter writes in this passage may seem dated and a little misogynistic, in context it makes perfect sense and offers valuable instruction for building a healthy, thriving marriage.  In this passage, we discover three essentials for marriage:

1) Follow the example of Jesus.

1 Wives, in the same way submit… 7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate… 

1 Peter 3:1a;7a.  This phase “in the same way” refers us back to the pictures of Jesus given in 1 Peter 2:21-25:  21 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.  1 Peter 2:21

Christ was a glorious model of love, humility and selflessness.  For any marriage to succeed, it is imperative that we follow in His footsteps.  When Peter pens “in the same way,” he is referencing what he had just taught in chapter 2 about Christ’s willingness to submit to God’s will, even to suffer for your sake and mine by giving His life to pay our sin’s penalty of death.  Just as Jesus was submissive and obedient to God’s will, so a husband and wife must follow His example.  Is there any area in your marriage were you and your spouse are not following Jesus’ example?  What changes will you make?

2)  Appreciate the act of submission.  

2 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands… 1 Peter 3:1a. This can be a sensitive subject, so I want to be clear.  Women are not inferior to men in any way.  But there is a particular social order the Lord has designed for the family that is important for both husbands and wives to understand and appreciate.  And that God-ordained design comes with responsibilities for both wives and husbands.  

God has ordained that the husband should be the head of the home.  (Ref. also Eph. 5:22-25).  When we see this word “submit” in the original language, it is often a military term that has to do with lining up under leadership.  In the military, it is imperative to establish leadership so that in battle, soldiers know who to follow.  An army without submission would be a hot mess and easy to defeat.

A family without defined leadership will be a hot mess too.  Now, to be clear: “Headship is not a dictatorship; but the loving exercise of divine authority under the lordship of Jesus Christ.”  (Warren Wiersbe)   Submission doesn’t mean enduring emotional or physical abuse, but rather following the leadership of a husband who loves his wife in the same way Jesus loves us.  

I spent a lot of time unpacking this text in the full message available online if you would like to listen.  Some people have a flawed understanding of what submission means and what it doesn’t mean in marriage, so further explanation may be helpful.

3)  Practice the art of consideration.

7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect… 1 Peter 3:7a

Husbands must practice the art of consideration toward wives in every way:

- Physically - A truly Christ-honoring husband will love his wife in part by protecting her and providing for her.  She may work outside the home, but the husband still has a vital, God-ordained role to play in the relationship physically caring for his wife and family.

- Intellectually and Emotionally - 7 … treat them with respect.  1 Peter 3:7b.  The NKJV reads “with understanding and honor.”  That great theologian Aretha Franklin famously sang R-E-S-P-E-C-T.  Some sources say that is the most popular song of all time!  Which means the message resonates with people and especially women.  So Peter is right!  Wives want love and respect.  And showing respect includes taking time to listen to them, not just trying to solve their problems, which husbands usually prefer to do; but sometimes wives just want husbands to empathize with them, to understand them, to really know them.  

How much time do you think husbands and wives spend in conversation each week on average?  One reliable source says just 20 minutes a week, which is under 3 minutes a day!  Is that enough to stay connected intellectually and emotionally?  Being considerate involves showing respect. connecting by simply listening, sharing ideas, making plans together. How can you make more time for that?  

Spiritually -  7… so that nothing will hinder your prayers.  1 Peter 3:7d.  Peter is making an assumption here.  He’s assuming that husbands and wives are praying together.  But the sad truth is many married couples are not praying together, which is a source for a big spiritual disconnect in their relationship.  The truth is, if you really want to connect in a deeper, more meaningful way, start sharing prayer needs and spend some time praying together.  Prayer is an intimate act that draws people together in a significant way. 

Peter says that wives and husbands are: 7 …heirs with you of the gracious gift of life.  1 Peter 3:7c   Do you know what Peter is referring to as the gracious gift of life?  He’s referring to marriage—the best relationship we can have with another human being on this earth!  

For that relationship to thrive, the husband must show deep consideration to his wife in every area of life, respect her, cherish her, care for her, protect her, provide for her and love her deeply.  And his wife must be faithful to the command God has given her to submit to her husband’s loving leadership in the home.  (1 Peter 3:1; Eph. 5:22-25).  When both are honoring their God-ordained, Biblical roles in their marriage, it will be the best relationship they will ever have on this earth.   

For much more, please take the time to listen to the full message: Living Hope: Part 6 - Building a Thriving Marriage found at www.mywatermark.org.